Good Days, Bad Days

Dear Rachel,

For some reason, I’ve felt better the past couple of days. Monday was awful—felt very down and depressed; everywhere I turned I encountered memories of you. (I hope that some day memories of you will make me smile, but it’s not happening yet. Right now each memory is a searing pain; I find myself turning away from pictures of you, and then I feel terrible for having done that.) I put it down to the approaching holidays and was thinking, “Man, if the whole holiday season is like this I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

But then yesterday and today I’ve felt better. No tears, no choking up. Even caught myself humming a Christmas carol yesterday. So I guess it’s just more of that emotional rollercoaster I’m riding. I can be up and then down dozens of times in one day.

I’m not looking forward to the holidays, though. They were always my favorite time of the year, but not this time around. Still, Amy’s coming to visit, and she said she’d like a tree and decorations, even though Lesley and I had originally thought maybe we should just skip the whole thing.

I wonder what will happen when I walk into the house and see your special ornament on the tree....

Love,

Dad