Lost & Found
Dear Rachel,
I realize that I’m being hypersensitive, but it really hurts when someone consoles me on having “lost” you. “I’m sorry to hear of your loss,” they’ll say. Or, “I heard that you lost your daughter; I’m so sorry.”
And they are sorry, and they mean well, I know. But when I think of “losing” something, I think of car keys or a coffee cup or a paperback book: something that I might have put down and then rushed off, forgetting where I left it. If I stop and think about it, if I retrace my steps, if I ask for some help, I can find that cup. It’ll be right where I left it, on the telephone table or perhaps on top of my dresser.
But I can’t find you. No matter where I look, and in spite of the fact that I see you everywhere I look, I can’t find you. No amount of help will bring you back to me, nor will hours of searching. I know because I’ve tried, and I’ve asked for help, and I’ve retraced my steps a thousand times.
I didn’t lose you. You were taken from me. You were unexpectedly and brutally ripped from my grasp, but you’ll be forever in my heart.
Love,
Dad
I realize that I’m being hypersensitive, but it really hurts when someone consoles me on having “lost” you. “I’m sorry to hear of your loss,” they’ll say. Or, “I heard that you lost your daughter; I’m so sorry.”
And they are sorry, and they mean well, I know. But when I think of “losing” something, I think of car keys or a coffee cup or a paperback book: something that I might have put down and then rushed off, forgetting where I left it. If I stop and think about it, if I retrace my steps, if I ask for some help, I can find that cup. It’ll be right where I left it, on the telephone table or perhaps on top of my dresser.
But I can’t find you. No matter where I look, and in spite of the fact that I see you everywhere I look, I can’t find you. No amount of help will bring you back to me, nor will hours of searching. I know because I’ve tried, and I’ve asked for help, and I’ve retraced my steps a thousand times.
I didn’t lose you. You were taken from me. You were unexpectedly and brutally ripped from my grasp, but you’ll be forever in my heart.
Love,
Dad
posted by Rod at 10:53 AM
1 Comments:
Rod-I want you to know how deeply I have been affected by your love for Rachel, before she was taken, and since. I want you to know that I think of you, and her, and Amy, Les and Shaylyn every day since that horrible morning. I want you to know that I will never forget her, so I know there is no way you can. I never even got to meet her.
Your blog is beautiful and important, thank you for sharing, even though I'm sure it is very painful for you.
I miss you more than I can express. Kim
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