The Holiday Minefield

Dear Rachel,

I lost so much when you were taken from me. And I keep discovering new things I've lost that I didn't even know were gone. It’s now officially the holiday season (a season I’ve been dreading), and I’ve just realized that I can no longer listen to what was once my favorite Christmas song, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.”

I’m not sure I have a favorite version of this song…. I’ve always liked Perry Como’s version (laid-back, softly crooned, as if the song itself were clad in a comfy sweater like that worn by the singer), but I also enjoyed versions by Sinatra, Crosby, and even slightly “countrified” takes on the song by Kenny Chesney, Martina McBride, and others.

In the end, I doubt there’s a version of the song that I wouldn’t have liked. (Unless Neil Diamond did one, of course. Or possibly The Muppets. And if I had to choose between them, I’d take The Muppets.) But I can’t listen to it now.

Of course, this particular song is just the tip of the musical iceberg. I’ve found that there are dozens—maybe hundreds—of songs that I can no longer listen to. (I can’t listen to any Judds song, in fact—you were such a big Judds fan as a kid.) The radio has become a minefield, and I never know when I’m going to stumble over that emotional tripwire and blow my heart to bits all over again.

Of course, movies are no different. Nor are television shows. Or magazines or conversations or phone calls or…. Well, I guess life is just a minefield now.

I lost so much, but I need to keep reminding myself of the things I didn’t lose: friends, family, my beautiful wife, my other lovely daughter. I lost a lot, but I didn’t lose everything.

Love,

Dad